Hauled Dakota out to bit by bit today to ride with natalie, get her worked on by the chiro, and buy some hay.

   Lets start with the good.  She loaded BEAUTIFULLY. Each and every time, even after loading/unloading her to load hay.  Really suprised me, just walked right on no trouble every time. She even warmed up well.  Loped decent circles, was paying attention, picked up leads, seemed correct for the most part.  She was feeling pretty good. 

    Then there is barrels.  The main reason I hauled out in the first place, to work the pattern seeing as though I have no decent place to work it at my house.  Oh barrels.  Kota hasnt been using her hind end and really working the barrel, she's choppy, sort of planting and then pivoting around it.  Big no, no.  Well, I tried doing what Natalie does today, even though it somewhat did not make sense to me, but I needed all the help I could get.  Natalie wanted me to use my inside leg back, and outside leg forward.  But to me, that seems like it would cause hip swinging?  But I tried it, because Karma seemed to be working well with it.  I got frustrated, Kota got frustrated, we all got frustrated.  Frustrated Kota = Bitch session.  She would get to the backside of the barrel, grab the bit, and then run off.  I wish I could keep my composure better, but I just get so frustrated because I expect her to work so well.  I dont know about the new method, I dont like the idea of her hip swinging out.  I just need to figure out a way to get her working that barrel, with her hind end and whole body, not just lazying around it.

    I think I need to remember she is just a baby, but it really got to me seeing Karma do the pattern so well, and my 4 year old cant even trot me a nice pattern. Like what am I doing wrong? I need to consistantly work her, ask more of her I think, and not just when it comes to working the pattern.  But really while we are doing foundation work.  I really need to get her working that hind end of hers, thats the first thing I need to accomplish, instead of having her trot and lope me nice circles and be done with it.  

  Kota boot camp starts tomorrow! Or wait, the next day, I'll give her a day off after her chiro work.

     Alas here I am, almost a year after losing Seven.  Still am not over losing him, and I shed a tear almost every day over it.  It's not an easy thing. Am desperately searching for a horse to ride at Youth Worlds in Sevens name, because after all, he qualified me for it.  It would mean the world to mean to go down there and run for him.  I was supposed to run Rainy, and now all of the sudden Haley is not sure.  That would have been all fine and dandy if this was not a week before my entry is due, and now I feel screwed.  I dont want to send that entry in and then come July I have nothing to ride, which I could foreshadow happening.  Was even tossing around the idea of just taking Kota, but who am I kidding, she wont be up and running by then.

    Oh Dakota, my little promising mare, or so I hope.  She's all I've got, so I really hope she can run a set.  It is so frustrating sometimes not knowing how to handle some things, or why she is doing what she is doing.  I finally have her loping to the left, something we had trouble with for a while.  She still is not fully collected though, she likes to drop her shoulder and throw herself into the circle, which is a big no no. She's been really frustrating on the pattern lately though, and its just at a trot.  She gets really choppy behind the barrels, instead of using her hind end to drive her, she's taking the lazy way out and pivoting, or something.  Makes me so angry, because I know she's capable of a smooth turn.  Not to mention the fact its frustrating in that if she cant do this at a trot, she sure as hell wont be able to do it at a run.

    Actually, its even more frustrating knowing that she can do this, and its not her fault, I am doing something that is causing this, its my fault.  And I have no idea how to fix it.  Oh babies.

   It really wouldnt be so bad, and it wouldnt get to me so much if things went as planned.  Having another horse up and running while getting her started was the plan.  Without Seven, now all the pressure is put on her, and for that i feel bad.   I truly feel like if I never lost Seven, I would be so happy in life right now, everything would seem perfect.  I honestly feel that way.

    Losing him has to have been and will ever be the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life, and knowing that I can never have him back is the kicker of the whole thing.  It plain sucks.  I am not even saying that for sympathy, I do not even like telling people about it because I do not want pity.

    I just want my horse back.