Alas here I am, almost a year after losing Seven.  Still am not over losing him, and I shed a tear almost every day over it.  It's not an easy thing. Am desperately searching for a horse to ride at Youth Worlds in Sevens name, because after all, he qualified me for it.  It would mean the world to mean to go down there and run for him.  I was supposed to run Rainy, and now all of the sudden Haley is not sure.  That would have been all fine and dandy if this was not a week before my entry is due, and now I feel screwed.  I dont want to send that entry in and then come July I have nothing to ride, which I could foreshadow happening.  Was even tossing around the idea of just taking Kota, but who am I kidding, she wont be up and running by then.

    Oh Dakota, my little promising mare, or so I hope.  She's all I've got, so I really hope she can run a set.  It is so frustrating sometimes not knowing how to handle some things, or why she is doing what she is doing.  I finally have her loping to the left, something we had trouble with for a while.  She still is not fully collected though, she likes to drop her shoulder and throw herself into the circle, which is a big no no. She's been really frustrating on the pattern lately though, and its just at a trot.  She gets really choppy behind the barrels, instead of using her hind end to drive her, she's taking the lazy way out and pivoting, or something.  Makes me so angry, because I know she's capable of a smooth turn.  Not to mention the fact its frustrating in that if she cant do this at a trot, she sure as hell wont be able to do it at a run.

    Actually, its even more frustrating knowing that she can do this, and its not her fault, I am doing something that is causing this, its my fault.  And I have no idea how to fix it.  Oh babies.

   It really wouldnt be so bad, and it wouldnt get to me so much if things went as planned.  Having another horse up and running while getting her started was the plan.  Without Seven, now all the pressure is put on her, and for that i feel bad.   I truly feel like if I never lost Seven, I would be so happy in life right now, everything would seem perfect.  I honestly feel that way.

    Losing him has to have been and will ever be the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life, and knowing that I can never have him back is the kicker of the whole thing.  It plain sucks.  I am not even saying that for sympathy, I do not even like telling people about it because I do not want pity.

    I just want my horse back.